happy mother's day

lying together in bed the other night, i asked andy what was the best day of his life (pretty light and standard pillow talk, no?). he prefaced his answer by explaining that it was probably less conventional than would be expected. our wedding day, for example, did not make his top five, he said. don't worry, i consoled, it's not in mine either, which was not meant as a passive-aggressive retort, but more of a statement of mutual understanding. then he went on to describe one particular day midway through his two-week hike of the john muir trail that was life changing. when the question was turned around and directed to me, i prefaced my answers by admitting how utterly predictable i am because the best day - without question - was the day august was born. it turns out our answers weren't so different though because for me, that day for was also life changing.

the woman i was / the woman i thought i had been before that day, was completely different from the woman i became the moment i first held august. his birth very literally decentered me. up until then and throughout my pregnancy, my biggest concern was what kind of mother i would make. i didn't believe i had the patience or altruism that mothers seemed to posses. i worried that i would have to work extra hard at the role and that it would be forced. turns out, motherhood *is* hard work and some days i *really* have to try at it, but it's the best kind of work too. most surprising of all though is how naturally i've come in to it and how "easy" work can be when you love what you do. being mama to august is something i am grateful for every day. if i had run the fastest marathon, owned the most successful coffeehouse or written the greatest story i would not feel as proud or accomplished as i did the day he was born.

for me, it took childbirth to discover the empathy and grace within me. some women recognize it within them all along and others display it in different capacities because the truth is, motherhood goes beyond traditional roles and can be found in the heart of any woman.

it has been such a privilege hosting so many inspiring mamas this week. we come from different backgrounds, with varying situations and unique challenges, but our womanhood bonds us. it was difficult only asking a handful to take part in this series because there are so many more that have provided me guidance and support in some way or other. i wish we had another month to feature more! thank you to all the lovely ladies who contributed here this week and happy mother's day to all the beautiful women in mothering roles. especially to my own mother and three sisters: daniella, andrea, and claudin, who have all been paradigms of strength and compassion. we love you. 

guest post: thoughts on motherhood, by christine dinsmore

christine is the bright and lovely presence behind the blog the plumed nest. she has three boys - the youngest of which are twins! - and is the owner/designer of two home decor shops: plumed on etsy and plumed shop. considerate and true, her words have always been an inspiration to me. thank you so much for sharing this tender story, christine!

When my oldest son, and “only” child, was 10 years old I found out I was going to have another baby. I never intended to just have one child, but as the years passed, I grappled with whether I’d have another. I wasn’t sure I wanted another “only” child. And definitely didn’t know if I wanted it to have two more! (I had my first at home and immediately swore I’d never give birth again!). 

Soon after seeing the home pregnancy results I headed into the doctors office for my first appointment. They did an ultrasound to make sure all was okay and while I was lying there I saw two black circles inside my uterus(?!) on the screen. I said “what is that? is that…?!” And the doctor exclaimed “it’s two babies! you’re having twins!” There was a definite moment of awkwardness as her excitement overshadowed my own. It was a lot to take in. I got in my car in a mixed state of joy and panic. Two babies?

Like most pregnant moms I suffered from intense feelings surely fueled by hormones during my pregnancies. Unfortunately, mine were usually of the rage-filled and extreme cynicism variety. And with that said I had a really hard time with my feelings about my “multiples” pregnancy. I had uncontrollable thoughts, such as, equating having two as having an “extra.” I spent time crying about people who couldn’t have children and, yet, here I was having two! Also during this time twins were definitely trending. Every magazine cover had a celebrity who was pregnant with twins: Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez. It was amazing, it was fascinating, it was lucky. I spent most of my pregnancy feeling like a big fat jerk. When the ultra-sound tech told me it was two boys, I yelled out “Nooooo.” 

But still I read all the books about twins, I fretted about the possibility of a c-section, I tried to pick out names, I rubbed my belly, I made sure I got enough folic acid and iron. Mentally and emotionally it was 9 months filled with a roller-coaster of emotions. People tried to make me feel better by telling me that they knew someone who had eight and nine pound twins (this definitely doesn’t make a pregnant-with-twins-mom feel better btw). People told me crazy stories that definitely didn’t seem rooted in making me feel better. But there was one story I read about a dad who shared some very similar thoughts I had been having, and in the end of his story he said that, after his wife gave birth to twins he ended up feelings so sorry for all the other parents who just had a “singleton.” I must have read his story a hundred times. And in the end, I could have written that same exact story.

My sweet babes came at 37 weeks, naturally, thanks to my amazing and supportive doctor (baby “b" was even breech!). My first fear was quickly relieved. They came out pink and healthy at 5 and a half pounds each, 20 fingers, and 20 toes. Second and third fears relieved. And because I had to have them in a hospital, in an operating room with a medical team, I couldn't have them immediately. When they finally brought me to my sweet boys all my cynicism was zapped away by the powers of overwhelming love. My greatest fears were relieved. In my inflated sense of joy, I, too, looked at all those singletons and felt sorry that their parents just got one baby instead of two. 

It felt like magic to see these two connected souls together. In my arms. At my breasts. Stretching in my bed to find each other. I’d compare it to winning the lottery, but I imagine it was so much better than that. And, still, after six years every single day I feel lucky. Parenting these two little guys has continued to fill my life and heart with so much joy. Even in the darkest of moments I hear bursts of laughter coming up from my belly, I feel surrounded by love, happiness, and wonder. And if that’s the extra I was in store for. I am so glad I got it. I was very lucky indeed.

Thanks so much Lucinda for having me! And happy mothers day to all the mama’s and those who take on mothering roles. 

you can also find christine on instagram here or on twitter here

guest post: thoughts on motherhood, by sarah robinson

so excited to have sarah "mac" robinson, marketing director for women's athletic apparel company oiselle, as the next guest in this series. mama to an adorable little girl, pj, sarah also writes over at running starfish where you can read more about how she balances it all while training for a marathon. thank you so much for sharing this beautiful vignette of your first year as a mother, sarah! 

I’ve been a mama to PJ for 8 months. Right now she’s cutting her third and fourth tooth and about 4.5 days from figuring out how to crawl. Putting her down to sleep is like trying to hold a tornado. We’re not sleeping. So whenever I thought of how to write about motherhood, it seemed more daunting than it already is. Anyone who has started this journey is brave. Braver than I knew. There is no way to describe the love, so scary, without getting completely cliché. Without using a word like blessed. Without coming across like a needlepoint saying. 

So instead of trying to sum it up, here are my journal entries. What in the hours and days since I first had Penelope pressed into my chest after our long labor I wrote down. Well some of it…

August 29, 2014

Penelope Jane Robison arrived on August 18th at 4:13pm via c-section. After 42 hours of labor! My water broke prematurely on 8/16 at 10pm. I spend 32 hours on Pitocin trying to start things… nothing. 

A story to tell another time. 

Today Penelope is 11 days old. She’s waking up beside my bed right now at 

10:00pm…ready to eat.

September 11, 2014

Last night I had the bright idea to change PJ in bed. She hadn’t pooped in nearly 48 

hours. And the diaper was just pee. As soon as I had that diaper off …poop!! All in my 

open hand, her onesie, our blankets.  I couldn’t stop laughing. Owen had to get up 

and help me cut her onesie off her. 

October 16, 2014

PJ has decided she’s a big kid –

Stands up in the Moby yelling –

No more afternoon nap!

October 19, 2014

Penelope After Nap

You wake up – sometimes – in your swing after napping midday blanket pushed off you drumming your tiny fingers on your knee like – So what now?

November 13, 2014

I go back to work on Thursday – it’s all I think about. When I hold Penelope I feel so overwhelmed. Looking at her perfect little face and imagining hours I won’t see it. Ahh this journey – so common, so unique. 

November 13, 2014 

To Penelope

You roll over. 

You laugh at the sticks hanging on the wall. You tell them stories. 

I dance with you. 

I dance for you – you laugh at me. 

We spell you name on the fridge

P – E – N – E – L – O – P – E

I tell you everything we see. 

My monkey. 

February 24, 2015 

She loves sweet potatoes and hates sleeping. 

I’m spinning in exhaustion.

April 8, 2015

I never thought I could love anyone so much. Especially anyone who wakes me up 

all night, wants pull my hair at 5am and then toots! with her little bare butt in my 

hand.

you can find also find sarah 'graming here and tweeting there 

guest post: thoughts on motherhood, by kara donnelly

it is an absolute delight to have the enchanting mama of two, kara donnelly of @wild_isthewind here today. i can't remember how i found kara on instagram, but it was her uplifting posts about her children, jameson (2) and irelynn (6mos) that's had me following ever since. she is a radiant presence and her feed is as lovely as it is genuine in it's tribute to motherhood, you really should follow her. thank you so much for contributing, kara!

You could read every book, magazine or website telling you all about what to expect when you bring your newborn baby home for the first time. But I'll tell you, there is nothing that will prepare you for those precious moments quite like the way going through it actually does. 

I remember getting my first born son ready to head home from the hospital. We were making sure he was perfectly safe in the car seat. Every strap & buckle done right. We proudly walked down the hospital pathways that led us to the truck. I stayed in the back with him & watched him as we drove away. This was it. He was ours. We were solely responsible for this tiny 6 lb little human being. It felt amazing & scary all at once. 

I was blessed to not only have my sister stay home for a couple of weeks with me but my mother stayed a couple of days & my husband was home too. I had all the emotional support I needed & yet I still remember being a bit of an emotional wreck. I was sitting in the rocking chair in my son's bedroom, the chair I had so many times rocked in while carrying him in my tummy, wishing & waiting for him to be in my arms. Alls I could do while I nursed him was cry. I felt this incredible joy. But I also had this new protective emotion instantly swell inside me. You know when you're first pregnant & you protect your body & your stomach like there is this treasure in there? That's how I was, but 10 fold now that he was actually in my arms. After I would get ahold of myself & start to think about the blessing it was to have him here & healthy I'd start to cry again. I wouldn't say I had post pregnancy blues but I certainly was still coming off the high of having him. There are just too many hormones involved. I wouldn't expect anyone to not be the way I was. 

A couple days passed & I remember making a nice spaghetti dinner & all my meatballs fell apart. I balled my eyes out so hard. It's funny to think about it now, but to me I was just so emotionally filled that I guess even failed meatballs made me cry. Haha.  

My son slept through the night beautifully the first week & honestly he's slept through the night ever since. He nursed beautifully. It was something we just understood & got with each other. I'm so thankful for that experience with him. It truly did give us a beautiful bond.  

Not much has changed since then & the week I brought my daughter home. It definitely prepared me the first time around as any first time experiences would. I'm blessed to have my baby boy. I can't remember life without him in it. 

guest post: thoughts on motherhood, by josianne lauber

first up in this motherhood series is josianne lauber, one of my oldest and dearest friends. she is the mother to lenia (born january 21, 2014), lives in switzerland, and teaches high school students at the "gymnase" level in the french-speaking part of switzerland. her partner in crime is mike. josi has the kind of energy that leaves you with your mouth hanging open and wondering how she does it all. she is driven, intuitive, and always keeps it real, which is one of the things i love best about her. thanks for sharing your honest and humorous discoveries, josi!

When Lew first asked me to write for her blog, I started thinking, “Do I want to take the funny route?  Or do I want to take the cheesy, `cry me lots of tears like at the birth of my child` route?”  Of course I chose the comedic one.  However, if asked, I can provide an additional “cheesy” route as well.Here are some funny things that I often tell my students about pre-motherhood and motherhood...

Context:  Before I was a mom, I would always tell my students that I would NEVER become “one of those moms who…” and then finished with some sort of “mom thing” I didn’t understand.  So I told them my thoughts about things that moms would say, but that I wouldn’t say/talk about when I became a mom…Additionally, I would like to share my current thoughts about these things, but generally avoid talking about these topics with people unless asked.

Gestation Weeks/Gestational Weeks

“I am at 27 weeks.  My baby is about the size of a (place fruit or vegetable name here.)”

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  I don’t get it.  Uumm, so when is that baby going to be here?

Current thoughts:  Before Lenia was born, I would read up on how she was developing every week and saw these “she is now the size of an avocado” comparisons.  My brother’s wife did the same and my mom would ask them, “How is my fruity doing?”

Pooping

Wife to husband “Did baby number 2 today?  What did it look like?  How many times did he/she go?”

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  Oh my god.  If I EVER talk about the color, frequency, texture  of my baby’s poop, please, please slap me.   Hard.

Current thoughts:  Who would have thought this is such an important subject?  It is especially important during that first week of life when POOP MATTERS.  However, I must admit this is a topic I would NEVER talk about in front of anyone else because I remember how grossed out I was before I was a mom. 

First smile

“My baby just smiled for the first time.”

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  Uuummm, yay.  I guess.  Or congratulations.  

Current thoughts:  There is nothing more touching in those first months than when your baby first truly smiles at you.  Not just a “I just farted” smile, but one they really mean. 

First tooth

“Oh my gosh, my baby is growing up so quickly!  He/she just got his/her first tooth.”

 Pre-motherhood thoughts:  Uum.  Okay.  Cool.  Congratulations?

Current thoughts:  It’s adorable when Lenia’s first two teeth were in and she decided she wanted to eat a whole piece of chicken!

Age

How old is your kid?

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  18 months?  Okay, so almost 2.  22 months?  Okay, so like 2 years old.  24 months? Okay, 2.

Current thoughts:  Now I understand why moms had to distinguish between 14 months and 18 months. So many things change within such a short period of time and every month matters.  Previously, I had to try to do the math in my head and just rounded either up or down – whichever was easier.  Currently, I know exactly what the moms are talking about. 

Walking

Grown up mother – “Danny/Richard/Jim started walking when he was only 9 months old.  He was soooo early.”

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  Well, Danny/Richard/Jim is an idiot now, so that didn’t really help him much.

Current thoughts:  I haven’t met any normal human being who can’t walk.  So they all learn eventually and I don’t give a crap when your kid started walking.  Sorry, proud mothers!

Breastfeeding

“I breastfed my baby for (place number of months here).”

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  Uumm, congrats?  Good job?  More power to you?  Ouch?

Current thoughts:  Honestly, every woman should decide for herself what she wants to do and I don’t really care which you chose (unless you are like my BESTEST FRIEND and we really want to talk about it.).  Also, some women aren’t able to breastfeed, so shut up about the whole I breastfed my baby for …… thing. 

Nipple Butter

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  Get a room!

Current thoughts:  Okay.  IF one breastfeeds, sometimes it is necessary.  However, I still don’t want to hear about it.

More Poop

“Tamara used the toilet for the very first time today.”

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  Gross.  Congratulations?  Good job?

Current thoughts:  Okay, so this getting dry thing is a big deal.  I get it.  However, I don’t want to hear about it unless it directly affects me.  For example, if your kid needs to use my toilet and you need one of those mini toilet seat things…  I don’t have one yet, but eventually will. 

Sleep

“My baby has/hasn’t been sleeping through the night since/for (place number of months here).”

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  Ooooh, I was wondering why you looked so tired…  I’m sorry?  Congratulations?  Good job?

Current thoughts:  Babies and sleep seem to be a number one topic once they leave the womb.  I have been spoiled and “my baby has been sleeping through the night since she was 3 months old.”  hahahahahha  Please don’t hate me. 

Makin’ babies

“I don’t want kids.”

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  Okay,  cool.

Current thoughts:  Okay, cool.  I think one should respect everyone’s decision on this topic. 

Pictures

“I take a picture of my baby every month.  That way, I can show _____________ when he/she gets older.”

Pre-motherhood thoughts:  Okay.  Cool.

Current thoughts:  My new nickname given to me by Mike is Mamarazzi. 

  

Well, I hope you enjoyed this special guest post!  Please email me praise or hate mail at josi[dot]lauber[at]gmail[dot]com

april 25th

last weekend was gripping and emotional and completely joyous. on saturday evening, another bright soul joined the world: my nephew, francis aaron.

the *plan* was for me to be there for his birth as i was for his sister, ada's. i was supposed be the one who was going to support my sister through the early stages of labor and provide relief to her husband whenever he needed a break. i had spent weeks imagining myself applying counter pressure to her lower back, giving her sips of cherry juice for energy, and coaching her through every contraction. i day dreamed about that moment when she'd bring light to another little life and what a privilege it would be to witness that miracle again. but babies do not operate by time tables or estimated due dates and as my mother's obstetrician always used to tell her, "the apple will fall from the tree when it is ripe".

instead, i spent the weekend working on a gift for little francis and before i could even finish sewing the bodice to the pants, he was already swaddled and nuzzling his mama's chest. i'll get to meet the newest addition to the family in another week when i'll take the time off i requested months ago and hop the flight i scheduled weeks in advance. my role will not be as supporting birth partner, but will instead be to make sure my sister is getting the rest she needs, that she is giving her baby the attention and nurturing only she can provide, and helping her other two children feel just as special and loved as they've always felt.

in honor of this exciting news and mother's day, which is quickly approaching and coincides so well with francis' birth, i will be featuring a few of my favorite and most inspiring mamas over here next week. new, veteran, future, hopeful, single, or surrogate, i think it's important to recognize all the amazing women out there with mother's hearts. in this life, we are lucky to have such incredible female role models all around us.

good work, claudin and welcome baby francis!

mother's day

strait from the archives: this blurry shot of me + my newborn

the day i found out i was going to be a mother, i had to look in the mirror to make sure it was real - that i was there and the moment was actually happening. {it's funny because when you get to that point in your life when you start thinking about having a family you try to plan it out, like there's some blueprint to follow. i was like that, at least. i felt that we had to be at the "right place" in our lives. but just like everyone told me, you're never 100% ready} so there i was, standing at the bathroom sink, holding a stick with a positive test result in my hand, looking at myself in the mirror, and i thought ok, ready or not, you're going to do this and your going to be the best mother to this child. almost a year has passed and it still seems surreal that i have this little person, that andy and i made him, and that i have the privilege of being his "mama". at times, i still have to check myself in the mirror to see that i exist.

motherhood has brought all kinds of surprises. i have no idea "how i'm doing" - questions and doubts come up almost on a daily basis - but all i can do is my best. luckily, i have awesome role models for inspiration. i have the mother who raised my amazing husband and my own beautiful mother who sacrificed so much to raise five of us. i have my oldest sister who was like a second mother and my other sisters who showed me what it is to be a strong and fearless mother. i have my dear friend who cares for her niece and nephew as if they're her own and another friend who loves her pup in a way you just know will make her a great mother one day.

and so, to all mothers in the world, to the mothers-to-be, and all of you women with mother's hearts, i feel lucky to share this day with you.  happy mother's day!