Mundane? But I thought today was Thursday.

8.01.2013

 Did you ever have one of those mornings where you wake up and think, "Now what?" Today was one of those. I had Auggie in bed with me for some AM cuddles before starting our day and as he practiced his shadow boxing, calling out the shots with each "goo", I lied there on my side looking at him, wondering what we should do. left hook, jab, jab, straight right. We went on like that for maybe half an hour; him working out and me watching, until I finally got up and, as if in cruise control, began going through our daily routine. Don't get me wrong, we've developed a lovely rhythm to our days here. But this morning, it didn't seem like enough. Oh no... This was just the sort of thing I bemoaned when I was pregnant: at home all day, bored, and with nothing to do between feedings and naps. Is this it? Have I finally hit the doldrums of being a stay at home mom? 

I forged on anyway, in our usual way and to the tune of Miles Davis - but only if Pandora was going to channel his "cool jazz" period because if went the "hard bop" route, it'd be too frantic a start to this already unsettled day. I put a kettle of water to boil while I nursed Auggie and then let the tea steep while I dressed him. The house was simultaneously filled with the warm middle-register tone of trumpet and the aroma of licorice-sweet fenugreek. There, that should do the trick. Just put one foot in front of the other, and soon enough, you're walking. But, for all my efforts, I still felt aimless. I literally needed to put my thoughts into actions - there's nothing like forward movement to make you feel like you're getting somewhere, so I decided to take August on a walk.
Creatively, two things have happened since August was born: (1) he's helped me open my eyes, allowing me to see things anew and (2) I've started writing a lot more. The two go hand in hand. Here's what one of my favorite writer's, Anne Lamott, has to say about the correlation between observation and writing:
Anyone who wants to can be surprised by the beauty or pain of the natural world , of the human mind and heart, and can try to capture just that - the details, the nuance, what is. If you start to look around, you will start to see.When what we see catches us off guard, and when we write it as realistically and openly as possible, it offers hope. 
Thank God. I need hope today. So I charged myself with observing as August would, with wonder at the slightest things. I saw the sidewalk below my feet. I noticed when it went from ho-hum cement, to a more charming brickwork. I thought about how many times I had walked over the same spot and for what purpose: to get groceries, for fresh air, for exercise. I delighted at the pair of dangling feet and marveled at the baby boy strapped to my belly. He used to accompany me on walks though from a different vantage point.

We strolled through the old neighborhoods, crossing the tracks and walking alongside a row of boutiques and antique shops. This town had become white noise, like the train that passed every hour, on the hour. Today, it revealed its charm and stood out. I pretended to be a visitor, seeing it for the first time and turns out, I actually live in a pretty cool place.  
 
There was another purpose to the walk. Coffee. We were out of the good beans. Unfortunately, if this place is lacking in anything, it's a quaint cafe. A saavy entreprenuer might make it huge in a place like this. But that thought is for another time. For now, I had what I needed. A good walk and coffee. Double whammy.  Some days come easy and others you just need to put a little effort into.

4 comments:

Claudin said...

Oh my goodness, Lew - have definitely had that "now what?" kind of day a time or two. (and before I go on, let me just say now how fantasticly relatable so many of your posts are!!) Back to what I was getting at though... it took me many days like that to finally realize that they're what force you to be creative, try something new - or even just do the same old thing but with a whole new pair of eyes - like you figured out that Tuesday. Those days are what inspired the whole "lemonade out of lemon" saying, I'm sure. I've found that the days that start mundane, often turn out to be the most memorable and meaningful... long as you dont let the initial lack of inspiration get the better of you. And you also manaaged to figure out the other part of the equation quickly . Coffee sovles EVERYthing!!! <3

JosiJoy said...

I thought chocolate solved everything? ;-P heeheee Actually, for me right now, it's ice cream that solves everything. hahaha

Lew, cool entry! :-) I am keeping up with you for now, but when school starts in September, I'll probably fall behind...anyway, I am glad you are so honest on here because it helps me gain a bit of perspective into mommy-town. I am worried I'll get bored being at home for just 5 months. But I have no clue, I am preggers and clueless on how my life will change after baby is actually outside of my belly! For now, I am content wondering whether it was the baby or gas I felt when there's like a bubble popping in my belly somewhere. hahahahaha I'm like, gas or baby, gas or baby? Yesterday, I told Micha that I wish I knew and he said to be patient because I would know for SURE soon enough.

Miss you!

Lucinda Smith said...

Thanks for relating, Claudi. It's always good to know I'm not alone. A lot of times when I wonder what to do with Auggie, I think of you - you always do such creative things with Ada & Charlie. It's obvious that you spend quality time and engage them because they sincerely love being with you. I'm aiming to be that kind of Mama.

Lucinda Smith said...

Coffee AND chocolate. You put the two together and I think the world just might end in sugar laden, caffinated goodness!

Thanks for reading, Jos. I'm glad to be able to provide some insight before you step into this world of mama-hood. You crack me up with the baby-gas quandary; I remember wondering the same thing. Micha's right though, you'll know soon enough! eek!

 

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